My Quarantine Story: Disappointment comes when less expected- quarantine anxiety

This is the 8th week of lockdown in Thailand and my anxiety has gone worse.

When Thailand started its emergency decree on the 26th of March, I was not surprised at all because I already anticipated this. Many countries had already had lockdown and canceled or postponed flights internationally and nationally at that time, so I presumed Thailand will do the same measures.

Before this crisis, I had already planned to go back to my country, the Philippines, for summer vacation, so when this problem arose I am very disappointed. You know, I am a very observant person, so when I heard about the virus in January, I was already suspecting that this will be a big crisis to the world.

I had watched a lot of news about this virus on Facebook and Youtube and talked about it with my friends. That's the time, I have started my anxiety.

First, I was so anxious that my trip would be canceled and all my plans would be wasted. And yeah, it happened.

Next, I was so worried that I might not have enough food to eat once we aren't allowed to go out. Because of that, I bought a lot of food (especially, rice ) and goods than before. I did a little bit of panic buying but I didn't buy all the food because, first I only live alone, and second I don't have much money. Still, I am still worried that I might die in hunger and a little touch of exaggeration here.

Then as an OFW ( Overseas Filipino Worker ), I worried that I might lose my job, not getting paid, or worse not being hired again. It will be more difficult for me if I go back to the Philippines during this pandemic, I feel I will be a burden to my family. How will I support them back home?

When I heard that there was one confirmed case in my town, I was more and more scared to die! I stopped going out once and for all. I was scared and I am scared to die alone here. I mean, I have friends here but still, the fear of being alone with the virus in another country, and away from your family is very dreadful to imagine. So, I became so conscious about cleanliness, I cleaned every day, washed my hands every single minute, used alcohol gel in my hands, and watched the news about Covid-19.

As a result, my insomnia got worse. I stayed up late and slept in most of the days. During those weeks, I gained weight and I think I am not doing better and that's added my anxieties.

Before I neglected the fact that anxiety has been slowly creeping in my system, I kept myself busy, but once twilight comes, I feel more anxious to sleep.

Now, I am trying to be more aware of it and accept it because I have learned that the more I ignore it, the more it will haunt me, and it is not easy, life will still give you hardships every day- new pain, new problem and lots of anxieties.

Now, the government of Thailand has eased the lockdown but not totally, people are still advised to keep social distancing and some businesses are already permitted to operate.

Even though life has slowly started back to normal again here in Thailand, and there is still a fear of the coronavirus second wave, I am still anxious. I am anxious that I may still fail in all aspects of my life.

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